Spanish accents

Save the bears? At least whales wouldn’t kill you

Have you ever noticed that representatives of non-Government organisations such as The Wilderness Society, are always extremely attractive and charismatic, usually with either Irish or Spanish accents? I have no doubt whatsoever that this is the primary reason that 90% of people choose to make donations to these organisations – no matter how compelling their spiel is about some obscure species of bear that is under threat of extinction.

Apart from the fact that these so-called activists are working on a commission only basis which explains why they continuously harass you every time you walk past them to the point where you are stressed out about the fact that you are running out of excuses to get away from them, they seem to target locations where they are least likely to gain any donations. Do they really think that targeting universities based solely on the idea that students must be raging pseudo-hippy, environmentalists is an effective strategy? Reality is, students are more likely to be concerned about how they are going to afford tobacco and alcohol, let alone food, until their next pay. I’m guessing saving bears is not high on their priority list.

In addition to this, do you really think that in an alternate universe that the specific bears that they are trying to convince you to save would take an active interest in assisting the continuation of the survival of the human species? I highly doubt it, considering there have been approximately 32 fatal bear attacks since 1980, 13 of which occured since the year 2000. A precedent to support my argument is that of grizzly bear activist, Timothy Treadwell and his girlfriend Amie Huguenard, who were both fatally attacked by one of the bears who they had been living amongst.

In conclusion, even the highest dedication to bear activism is counterproductive to say the least, considering the likelihood of it ultimately leading to your own demise. Alternatively, a donation of $50 a month to this imbecilic cause is hardly going to gain you the prerequisites in order to be a viable candidate for Knighthood.

Umm, I think I'll save the whales instead

Umm, I think I’ll save the whales instead