‘Fashion’ faux pas

This category is slightly superficial; however, we are not claiming we are fashion editors for Vogue, we are more interested in mocking the people who think they can pull off certain items of clothing, yet are completely lacking any fraction of self-awareness that would otherwise alert them to the fact that they look utterly ridiculous.

So you had a baby – why exactly are we supposed to care?

I must say that I did breathe a sigh of relief that the royal kid is a boy, because the prospect of being bombarded by headlines about matching outfits was bound to make us all physically ill. On the upside, we should all be grateful for anything that takes the focus off which Kardashian thinks they are the hottest this week – not to mention the epic stupidity that was the ‘North West’ atrocity. I still recoil in horror at the mere thought of it, and continue to debate over which is more of an assault to my sensibilities – their imbecility or their futile attempt to be clever?

There is no excuse for this - this is just totally unacceptable. I just hope the baby doesn't inherit her fashion sense. The question remains - who is more offended by this - Kim or the couch?!?

There is no excuse for this – this is just totally unacceptable. I just hope the baby doesn’t inherit her fashion sense. The question remains – who is more offended by this – Kim or the couch?!?

The Spray Tan phenomenon – who are you kidding?

Following on from my statement about the grotesquely hideous platform wedge, another postmodern ‘fashion’ abomination that requires addressing is the spray tan. What could possibly possess someone to pay money to stand in a cubicle completely naked (g-string optional) and be sprayed with iridescent orange paint so that they can emerge resembling an oompa-loompa or a corpse restored by a colour-blind mortician?

In addition to this, the spray tan, as far as I am aware, only lasts for a brief period of time. The upside to this of course is that it at least limits the time period in which you would be exposed to public ridicule. Yet, fans of this innovative tanning technique insist on perpetuating this cosmetic cataclysm. Here is a profound revelation…there is this thing…it is called…the sun!

On a positive note, after several years of profits gained by the ‘beauty therapist’ for performing this service, they will finally be able to afford the highly accredited Certificate IV in Eyelash Extensions.

I'm sure even Donnatella Versace would consider this extreme.

I’m sure even Donnatella Versace would consider this extreme.

Platform wedges – ugly shoes for incompetent women

Hi everyone, here is the first rant that I posted on Facebook, not realising that some people would actually get offended by a simple comment. What the hell is that about?!? These individuals obviously have insecurities about their lack of coordination, or simply just have bad taste!

I am finding it increasingly difficult to reconcile the justification for why the platform wedge has made a comeback…unless this is 1997 and you are a Spice Girl, it is utterly unacceptable to consider this aesthetic abomination fashionable. The added fact that most girls who choose to wear them cannot walk in them is highly amusing. The only logical conclusion is that wedges were in fact designed for the sole purpose of providing the uncoordinated with an alternative to stilettos, which serve a dual purpose of being aesthetically pleasing and dividing the fashionably skilled from the fashionably challenged.

Any thoughts?